Dear Arden,
One of my best friends likes my ex-crush, and I stopped liking him because he did something really stupid to me and it really hurt me, and she knows exactly what it is. I don't have any feelings for him anymore but i just think that he is going to do the same thing to her. What should I tell her?
-Crushed
Dear Crushed,
This is a sticky situation, but it's good that you're looking out for your friend. Obviously she's head-over-heels for this guy, so it's definitely best to stay away from things like "he's a bad guy" or "he's not good for you", because this will only make her feel attacked and get defensive, which isn't good for either of you. In the end, you're only looking to help her, so you have to make sure she knows that. Start of with saying something to the effect of, "Listen, you're my friend, and I care about you a lot," so she'll feel reinforced and NOT attacked. Then, squeeze in the tough stuff: tell her how much it hurt when he did whatever it was he did, and how because she's a good friend of yours, you would hate to see it happen to her. That way, by sandwiching what you need to say between two complements, she won't take it as much of an attack, and she'll be more likely to listen to you. In the end, it's her decision, but let her know that before she embarks on trying to win him over, she should consider what could happen, especially after it happened to you.
This is a sticky situation, but it's good that you're looking out for your friend. Obviously she's head-over-heels for this guy, so it's definitely best to stay away from things like "he's a bad guy" or "he's not good for you", because this will only make her feel attacked and get defensive, which isn't good for either of you. In the end, you're only looking to help her, so you have to make sure she knows that. Start of with saying something to the effect of, "Listen, you're my friend, and I care about you a lot," so she'll feel reinforced and NOT attacked. Then, squeeze in the tough stuff: tell her how much it hurt when he did whatever it was he did, and how because she's a good friend of yours, you would hate to see it happen to her. That way, by sandwiching what you need to say between two complements, she won't take it as much of an attack, and she'll be more likely to listen to you. In the end, it's her decision, but let her know that before she embarks on trying to win him over, she should consider what could happen, especially after it happened to you.
♥, Arden
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